Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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