last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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