Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
