just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What a dumb baby whore.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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