its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
