she woke up with a sticky ear
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize