My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize