i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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