it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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