you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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