As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
