she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this hospital has no fireball
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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