Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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