and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
