I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
