I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
