As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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