I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
