this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Houston, we have a blender
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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