she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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