Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize