I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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