No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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