that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm getting married
To pizza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
