Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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