i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
