Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
