Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
