my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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