I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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