I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
