Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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