1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
