the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
