I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
