He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
