OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
