Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
