There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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