I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
