you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
