She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
