using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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