someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
