the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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