Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
