They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
