I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
