I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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