If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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