I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you