Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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