it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.