Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.