Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back