after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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