he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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