I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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