he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
