I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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