doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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