I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Shame - the story of my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
