Betty ford says i'm here all night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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