He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
