everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
