I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
