Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
