Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
