He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
