please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
