I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
