I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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