Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
