I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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